Many believe that only some people are born with modesty, but I think otherwise. I believe modesty is innate nature. It is what believers are exposed to during their lifetime that determines how they practice modesty. Modesty is a blessing bestowed upon us by Allah (SWT), which we must protect from harm and corruption. During my childhood, my parents ensured my modesty was protected, and always made sure a suitable environment surrounded me. They did not enforce the Hijab upon me, but explained its purpose and made me fall in love with it. Despite the discouragement and stares I received from pupils in my class, I wore the Hijab proudly and confidently at seven.

Throughout the first few years of high school, the struggle began between trying to fit in and upholding my modesty. I was on a journey to find myself. I questioned my belief and purpose in life. It was then when I started to research to seek answers to my doubts. I went into a loop of confusion and struggle, ending up where I started. But with certainty and passion, I began my journey in gaining knowledge and nearness to Allah (SWT) and the Ahlulbayt (AS). I started to view modesty in a different light. I fell in love with Fatima al-Zahraa (as) and took her as my role model. I wanted to cover beyond the obligatory Hijab. I wanted to dress in a way Lady Fatima (as) would be pleased and for her to notice me from amongst the crowd of Muslim girls. I took it very slowly. Year by year, I would cover more and more until I thought I had reached the limit. At this particular time, I had sacrificed wearing colours and only wore black. I wore a long black abaya with a long cardigan on top, and a long black hijab to cover the chest area. But I still felt uncomfortable when I walked outside. I felt exposed, especially on windy days.

That summer, I visited Iraq for Ziyarah, where I always wore the abaya Zainabiya, which is more modest than the normal abaya. It covers from head to toe; it looks quite similar to the Jilbab. It upset me that I dressed differently based on the country I was in. I was inspired to wear the abaya Zainabiyah as I had more freedom in terms of dress code since I was entering university. However, my parents were very protective of me. They didn’t let me wear the abaya due to the Islamophobia that existed, especially at that particular time. The abaya Zainabiya was the only thing I desired; it was the only thing that brought me serenity.

After four months of weeping and attempting to convince my parents, I felt hopeless and gave up, so not displease my parents. During Fatimiyyah, I was reminded of it again and the Hijab of Fatima that I could not wear. In the majlis that night, the lecture was about modesty, specifically about the abaya Zainabiya. There I broke into tears, and could no longer control myself. I begged Lady Fatima (as) to help me and to soften my parents’ heart. I came back home and ran to my prayer mat. I performed ablution, prayed a two-unit prayer and gifted it to Lady Fatima (AS). I promised Lady Fatima that I would pray this prayer for the rest of my life if she eased my situation for me. I went up to my mother and asked her for the last time if she could please allow me to wear the abaya Zainabiya. She agreed and said she would buy a new one for me. Likewise, my father said I would be protected by Allah (SWT) from any harm. He was very proud of me for taking this decision. To me, this was a miracle and gift from Lady Fatima (as), which I will forever hold close to my heart. The abaya Zainabiya disciplined me and continues to discipline me spiritually and physically.