My Hijab story began like many Muslim girls around the age of 9. I started wearing the Hijab before my baloogh, but I admit then I didn’t comprehend why I should wear the Hijab. I remember vividly my mother asking me if I wanted to commit to the Hijab. I felt I had to please my mother and not be an outcast in my family (all of whom wore the Hijab). 

Alhamdulillah, with the years, my love for the Hijab strengthened, and so did my understanding of it. But my Hijab was definitely grounded every time I went to ziyarah. I would look around in Karbala, Qom, Najaf, Kufa and see all these beautiful Fatimi women. Their crown was the abaya, and I was always in awe of it. I almost envied them for freely wearing the abaya with pride, and I wished I was in their shoes. 

By nature, I am a very consistent person. I like to remain the same wherever I go, and so when I was in the west and unable to wear the Fatimi hijab, I felt shackled and broken. I desired nothing more than to be freely Fatimi. Karbala had nurtured me and moulded me to be infatuated with nothing other than the Zainabi Hijab. If it were not for Ahlul Bayt (peace be upon them) and their legacy, I would be so lost.

As the years went by, I met a woman who left a burning stamp in my heart. And to this day, I fondly remember how much she changed me and pushed me to become more Fatimi. This woman was a family friend who accompanied me once for ziyarah, and she wore a face covering and gloves. I remember staring at her and really contemplating everything in my life, and in the end, I felt very dissatisfied. I wanted to be better, and I hated that I was not progressing. I despised how I was not moving closer to the Fatimi dream. I had always admired the Fatimi Hijab, but then, I wasn’t doing enough to be Fatimi, and I was so ashamed. I was embarrassed in front of al-Zahra, who I always sought for tawassul. How could I say O Zahra aghithini and I do so little for her? 

That moment marked many significant changes I made in my life regarding my Hijab and overall hayaa’. I began proudly and defiantly wearing the abaya zainabiya and niqab wherever I went.